The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
