so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
