Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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