Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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