i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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