am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
