I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hell yes lets make some ravioli
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
