Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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