Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
