dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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