She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize