I hate your face
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
