Kiss
Puke
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
