Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
