Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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