i always forget guys have bellybuttons
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
