why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
