When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
