6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
