thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just want to make out with him forever
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
