So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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