He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
