I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
