Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He kissed a someone with a penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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