So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
