You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
