i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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