When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
