whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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