pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just sent this text using only my big toe
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What a dumb baby whore.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
