You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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