You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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