True but thats because hes a fetus.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
