I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
