Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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