I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
