I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
