if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize
