Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
