I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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