Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
