At least make sure they are 18
Why
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
