I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
