I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think my fart just growled at me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
