if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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