you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
