She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
