You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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