butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We named our party play list daddy issues
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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