bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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