im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
