You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
