he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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