You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
