you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
