The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
