dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Couch. On fire.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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