i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
4 words: hood of his car
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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