You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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