I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
