some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
