Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Randomize
