Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
