Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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