you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And then my night got REAL pukey
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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