I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
