This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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