somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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