What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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