Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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