u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
