Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
