I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
